To be Liked

I recall trying to insert myself into people's lives in search of acceptance—from men, friends, and even colleagues. Not being accepted by my family was easier to handle because we were already estranged due to generational shit and didn't see each other often, so it became simpler to remain distant over time. However, this made me seek acceptance elsewhere. I craved attention from men, likely stemming from parental issues, and from friends, I felt the need to belong. With my colleagues, there was a constant need to measure up, to appear perfect, to avoid being labeled as the "angry" black woman, to fight imposter syndrome, and to add anything else to my list of acceptance challenges. I thought I had escaped this, and perhaps I did for a while. But now, that green-eyed monster is peeking through the windows...LOL

Is it me? Maybe. Is it them? Maybe. Is it me? YESSS! Why? Because I can only control and be myself. That won't necessarily make anyone like, love, or respect me. But that doesn't stop me from being myself, because what else is there but to be ME! That includes the nice, loving, genuine, angry, and sad parts of me. Oh, the beautiful sides of me! Can't forget that! I must keep showing up as Leyllani and recognize that I am in a season that requires me to adapt, even in uncertain and uncomfortable times.