This Ain't Texas

This ain't no rodeo! This year has felt like I've been either pursued by a fierce bull or tossed around by one. I've gone through loss, heartbreak, joy, tears, confusion, and a range of emotions that made me feel like I was on a never-ending rollercoaster. To clarify, my loss wasn't the loss of a physical life. It was more about a shift in a relationship. I believed our bond could endure anything, and I still do. However, what I learned this year is that sometimes people need to distance themselves from you, even if you aren't the source of their pain.

I discovered the importance of letting go, and perhaps "allow" isn't the best term, especially with adults; it's more about permitting myself not to control or become overly attached to fixing things that aren't mine to fix. I also realized the value of keeping my heart as it is. My heart has helped me find joy amidst grief and allowed me to cry even when I thought I had no tears left. What I'm still learning is how to avoid getting caught up in confusion that spirals into anxiety and becomes akin to my worst fears. There were many sleepless nights and moments of feeling alone in this life that keeps moving forward. I thought I was prepared and ready for the journey, but instead, it felt like the bull was riding me.

As the year ended, I persuaded myself to release and embrace freedom until I genuinely experienced it. I faced the beast determined to overcome me, concentrating solely on the red cape I brandished before it, oblivious to the person behind it—me. I am someone who stays resilient even in times of weakness, with a heart that beats gratefully to God every day for the strength to endure, and a person who is ready and constantly preparing. I cannot claim to be entirely ready for the beast called life, but I do know my strength has changed, and that's all I need.