“The relationship you are having with yourself”

Who am I?

What matters to me?

Am I able to see myself without judgement?

Can I appreciate and honor myself?

Damn who am I? I used to think I knew. I hoped I knew… I always looked at who I was by the many hats I wore, like being the best mother I can be, the perfect wife, and daughter who made her mother proud, even the ride or die friend. Listening to Iyanla Vanzant made me think about who I am today and who I want to be tomorrow. I know wholeness is my goal, I want to be that woman who is proud of herself not because she made it through this period of her life, but for all the years she pushed through the hurt and pain, and accomplished things that made HER stand proud.

Who am I, I am still that shattered little girl, that broken teen, and that young adult that had little to no self-esteem. I no longer want to measure myself by my hats, only by being me. Whoever me will become through this process. Right now, what matters is only me, trying to be true to myself with the good and bad, without adding pressure to be perfect. Also, being okay that sometimes I will not be for everyone. I want to learn not to judge myself so harshly, as I let the negative seep into my mind and turn into not being worthy not allowing myself to share how I feel because I am afraid of the rejection that may come with it.

Who am I, I want to be free of the old me. I want to appreciate who I am and honor my worth knowing that there is nothing wrong with setting standards, and commanding others to stick to it, with an understanding of if they don’t, they will be removed without allowing them to cause damage. To free myself, I must also forgive me, the past the present and the future me.

Who am I, I want to learn to be there for myself and not burden others with what I was going through, how I felt, and the pain that was caused. I equated showing strength and acceptance with sometimes thinking I deserved it because I was constantly faced with hurt, like no one loved me enough to be there or protect me.

Who am I…